A Different Kind of Love

Last night I spoke with my heart.

See, we have not been in tune for a while.

It had been occupied for more than 15 years.

It belonged to someone else.

Actually it mostly belonged to him.

But I was not happy.

I could not make my heart understand what my eyes saw,
what my gut felt.

But my heart was happy.

But when finally we had the courage to tell my heart enough is enough.

“Can’t you see how many times you have shattered.?”

“Can’t you see how many times you have been broken?”

“Look around you heart, my eyes are red and tired from the countless nights of no sleep. Look at gut see how churned up he is because of the nerves. Look at brain stressed for the countless fights and the countless thoughts. Heart you have to let go. One day you will shatter and we wont be able to repair you again.”

Finally my heart decided to follow the rest and painfully said goodbye.

I thought it was the end.

I thought that we would all finally sync up and be happy.

But then my heart began to feel sad.

Everyone else was happy. But not my heart.

One day my heart said it saw something beautiful.

It made him feel all warm and happy.

My heart saw your soul.

The most pure and beautiful thing.

My heart was no longer sad when you are around.

But my eyes did not see what heart saw.

Nor did gut feel all twisty and bent.

My brain was against it and does not think it possible.

But my heart was happy.

It ignored what everyone else thought.

It saw right through you.

It saw your soul.

Your soul, is kind and bright.

No matter what, it makes my heart feel loved and cared for.

Just because your there.

Not like the others.

Different.

My heart feels special for some reason.

He makes us feel special.

My heart is in love.

This love is unlike any other.

Its a different kind of love.

 

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She’s Hurt

At night she sits, with tears in her eyes.

Recounting the events, that play in her head.

But why does she cry?

How can it be that the love can be so painful.

Love was beautiful, love was ecstasy.

Not screams in the night or arguments, fights.

She relives her mothers life.

How did she get here, what did she do wrong?

She’s hurt.

Blood slowly trickles from her forehead,

As the tears stream down her face.

He was angry, She was wrong.

She’s hurt

Trying to think what to do differently,

trying to think how to make him happy.

She’s hurt.

Part of her wants to run,

Part of her wants to stay.

She’s hurt

“I’ll run to mom”

but she will tell her to stay.

“I’ll run to my friends.”

but they will take him away.

She’s hurt.

Not knowing that love is not suppose to hurt.

Not knowing that she can move on.

Not knowing she don’t need him by her side.

She’s hurt.

Not knowing her greatest weakness,

can be her greatest strength.

Not knowing she can get up and leave.

Not knowing that love is not lived that way.

Just knowing that she has to stay.

She’s hurt.

Knowing it’s going to happen again.

Knowing he’s not going to change.

Deep in her heart she wants that to be a lie.

Knowing she can potentially die.

Knowing she is alone.

Knowing that there is no love at home.

She’s hurt.

Her tears stream like rivers down her cheeks, mixing with sweat and blood.

She’s hurt.

Dear Lord if she only knew,

that you where by her side.

That your hand was stretched out waiting for her to take it.

That you could give her the strength to survive.

That she can stay alive. but…

She’s hurt.

Her strength is gone,

Her heart shattered to pieces.

The bruises, cover her body, cover her soul.

She is broken.

SHE IS HURT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOR YOU

You torment me in my dreams…..

I have want to walk away,
But there you remain.
A sheer memory of what you are.
The love of my life.
The one that made my heart race,
with a very simple smile.
The one who made me feel,
like I was walking on a cloud.
I have never felt this love for someone else,
even though I tried.
For many years I put you aside
not understanding what you felt.
But i knew deep inside of me,
I did not want love of second hand.
I wanted a true love,
unconditional love.
But i did not believe you could give that,
So I walked away.
Not knowing how much I messed up.
I was never sure, you never told me.
I hate this feeling, I hate it I do.
Why did it have to be you?
But you have remained there,
through my stupidness,
through my downs,
through my ups.
Away, but you have been there.
I felt, that I did not deserve your love.
For me your love was pure.
And knowing how I was,
I did not want to taint it.
I came from a family that did not teach me,
what love is.
And you have a family.
They love you.
I hated everyone,
But I didn’t hate you.
How was I going to love you?
If I didn’t even love myself.
I cry at times wishing I was with you,
I wish I can feel your hugs your kisses again.
The way you looked at me,
the way you touched me.
I still remember I will always remember.
No mater how much I want to forget,
your memory haunts me til this day.

FRIENDS

My meaning of FRIENDS.

Just because I don’t call you 24/7,

does not mean I am not your FRIEND.

Just because I am not at your house everyday,

doesn’t mean I am not your FRIEND.

Just because I don’t like your status,

does not mean I am not your FRIEND.

I don’t have to kiss your ass,

to be your FRIEND.

Because you would not kiss mine,

to be your FRIEND.

I don’t have to act fake,

to be your FRIEND.

I will be myself,

and you’ll understand.

Some days I will see you,

some days I won’t.

That does not mean,

that I don’t value what we hold.

You don’t have to be a stranger ,

to be my FRIEND.

You can be my family, my kid,

or someone I just met.

But don’t take advantage of this FRIENDSHIP of mine,

because I can spot a fake person,

before they turn around.

Be honest to yourself,

before you say your my FRIEND,

Because when you need me,

I will be there until the END.